Let's Stop Bullying in the Columbus Metro, Mamas!

We are excited to announce that our anti-bullying page is now live! Look forward to more anti-bullying work from Moms Help Moms leading up to the school year this fall.

https://momshelpmomscolumb.wixsite.com/moms-help-moms/about-6

Bullying is a collective, community problem that only parents can address. We are all accountable.

FIRST, we must learn to advocate and work with schools:

Many schools, nationwide and particularly in Ohio, have outdated beliefs about bullying. Schools may doubt a child's report of bullying if they didn't directly see it. They may not understand the massive detrimental effects of bullying. They may not understand how children, at varying developmental stages, may react to a bullying situation. Most notably, they may feel defensive. If a parent reports bullying, a good, kind teacher or administrator might feel attacked:

Is this mom saying I'm bad at classroom management? What a Karen!

If bullying happened at my school, I must have done something wrong.

I'm good at my job, so nothing happened.

Don't they appreciate my hard work?

Do they think I don't care about their children?

If a child is bullied, they have to tell me directly! If they only told their mom, it's not that serious.

Well, what can I do about it?

These are actual responses I have had reported to me from parents experiencing bullying. They are not acceptable.

Reporting bullying is not an attack on schools. It is advocacy on a community problem that impacts us all.

Only 46% of children report a bullying incident directly to a teacher - developmentally, many well-adjusted children will report to a "safe person" at home. Teachers must be trained in classroom techniques that firmly address bullying, and administration must support them. While bullying will happen in school, there are no excuses for a defensive, dismissive, or uneducated response.

Our culture is doing better with bullying prevention - that's great. Local districts have been praised to me for excellent bullying prevention programs. However, I have yet to hear a local school praised for an effective, firm bullying response. I have spoken with both children exhibiting bullying behaviors, and children who have been bullied. Neither felt supported.

We need to learn to communicate effectively, kindly, and strongly. We need empowerment, and ultimately, to know our legal rights if necessary.

SECOND, parents need resources if their children are exhibiting bullying behaviors.

Accountability is necessary. As an example, if my son experienced bullying, I might reach out kindly and gently, asking to speak via phone with the mom of the child exhibiting bullying behaviors. I would be deeply concerned for both children. I might receive radio silence. Ultimately, I perceive the bullying behavior as a warning sign, and a way her child demonstrated a need for help. Though the behavior is unacceptable, hard stop, it should be approached as a cry for help. If a parent rejects information, if they reject being told precisely what happened, they are not properly meeting their child's needs.

Perhaps this would come from a place of denial, perhaps shame, or perhaps confusion. I get it - it's hard to parent. However, there is no excuse to allow your child to engage in bullying behaviors.

Continue to watch for resources to understand what is and isn't developmentally appropriate. When a child's behavior has crossed a line, it is imperative for parents and caregivers to address it kindly *but very firmly* in an evidence-based manner, otherwise they contribute to a dangerous community problem.

LAST, we all need to care for our mental health. That's tough. Resources are slim. However, there are many ways to care for our mental health, and Moms Help Moms will continue to provide as much information as we can.

Learning, growth, and kindness can come from community. Mental health is often rooted in a supportive environment. Engaging with others in a healthy way, working on social skills, "getting out there", and finding healthy people is a meaningful step.

Let's stop bullying in the Columbus Metro, Mamas!